Many people have asked me how to know the "feel" of different leather types when used in a Flogger.
I am going to do my best to list the most common leathers and their feel (Stingy, Thuddy, Sound)
I will list these as
S (Sting)
T (Thud)
1-5 (the higher the number the more intense the feeling)
The general rule of thumb is:
The thicker the leather the more Thud;
The wider the tails the more Thud;
The softer the leather the more Thud;
So for Optimum Thud > a soft, thick leather (Bison 8-9 oz, or Elk 3-4 oz) with 3/4" wide tails is premium.
and
Optimum Sting > a thin, stiff leather (oil tan, Bullhide M/F, latigo) with 3/8 " tails.
Cow Suede ~ 2.5 - 3 oz
3/4" wide tails T3
3/8" wide tails S3
Deer ~ 2.5- 3 oz
No matter how wide or thin you cut it, very soft and very noisy. S1 / T3
Bull Hide (Mocassin) 6-8 oz
Very Heavy, medium softness
3/8" Tails / S2
3/4" Tails / T4
Bull Hide 6-8 oz
Very Heavy, very stiff.
3/8" Tails / S4
3/4" Tails / T4
Oil Tan 5-5.5 oz
Very Heavy, very stiff.
3/8" Tails / S4
3/4" Tails / T2
Bison (American Buffalo) (Mocassin) 8-9 oz
Very Heavy, very soft
3/8" Tails / T3
3/4" Tails / T5
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
The BDSM Tower of Babble.
In today's BDSM population there is this constant controversy over the lexical semantics (definition or meaning) of the words we use. The problem is that 3 definitive tribes of people, with specific mentalities, and ways of doing things. Are attempting to use the same grammar, yet each has a different lingo(1). The Bondage and S&M tribes, being very physical have one lingo, and the Dynamics(2) tribes being relationship based yet another.
In an attempt to differentiate themselves from each other or the vanilla world this culture adopted the use of two terms: Labels and Titles.
This causes some definite problems between the lingo's.
Label noun 1.5 A classifying phrase or name applied to a person or thing,
Title noun 2.3 A descriptive or distinctive name that is earned or chosen:
"Labels are the beginning of a conversation, not the end of a discussion."
In the Dynamics tribes:
These Labels (dom, sub, master, slave) are adjectives, that are used to describe a mentality or dynamic preference . They form a general description as to who has the authority in a relationship. This amount of authority is variable, depending on the interpersonal dynamic. The use of the word or label is referred to as a fluid(3). If one uses a label to define another person, and assume that their use of the label is the same as the other individual. It's certain to cause confusion, miscommunication, and possible confrontation, the art of interpersonal communication is crucial to this tribe.
The Titles of Master or Mistress was not as commonly used, due to the understanding that the words master or mistress, is a term of endearment between individuals in a specific dynamic. And that dominant and submissive are the mentality, psychological need or preferred interpersonal dynamic of an individual. The Dynamics tribe, concentrates on the art of interpersonal communication, and the skill of maintaining relationships. Not necessarily the physical skills of an individual.
In the Bondage or S&M tribes:
These Labels (top, bottom, switch) are linking verbs used to describe the position (actions) an individual prefers. These have always had a real clear definition; The tops are in the giving position of an interaction, a bottom is in the receiving position of an interaction, and switch is one that has no specific preference of position.
The Titles of Master or Mistress are a "Presented Title". Meaning that the person has earned that title through their actions, and that they have proven they are Master's of their art. It was a way to show respect to someone that had dedicated their life to an art form. Which was appropriate in many ways, since Bondage and S&M can be an erotic art.
By the creation the BDSM acronym by the internet generation, a Tower of Babel was created. It brings to mind the quote by Douglas Adams in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy;
“Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish,
by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures,
has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.”
The "Internet BDSM Community", created a metropolis of tribes that spoke different lingo's of the same language, they all used Labels and Titles in different contexts. The new people coming into the metropolis have no way of knowing about the tribes. They only see a rather large population of kinky people. Those that stay on the fringes and try to speak the language, offend the separate tribes by the "bastardization" of their Lingo. Those that live in town so to speak, quickly learn that these lingo's are vital, and defining to the individual tribe and person.
(Sociolinguists are going to have a field day figuring this one out.)
For 50+ years this ... thing ... we all do, has used the same words with the same definitions, and every one understood each other just fine. In fact the lingo that was used, defined an individual as to what tribe they were from. The internet has brought those B, D, and S&M tribes together in one big metropolis, and is forcing us to use each others lingo. The entitlement generation coming into this Metropolis with the mentality that they have to have a label just for them, and presume that they can change a definition just to suit their needs seems to be the origin of the controversy. Just because one might disagree with the definition of a label or term, does not mean it is wrong. Dynamics, relationships, the way an individual does specific things are *fluid*, definitions are not. The Use of a word changes and evolves, the definition very rarely does.
For example:
In the 13th century Gay was an adjective, defined as "lighthearted", "joyous". It wasn't until the 1950's that homosexual men started using it as a self describing noun. The definition of Gay was not changed to mean homosexual, it was added in the 1960's to the original definition.
This new mentality of the Internet Metropolis has created some very humorous examples;
If the D labels are used around the B or S&M tribes, we have the appearance of the 19 year old Master's of B or S&M. Of course these tribes go ballistic over the presumptuousness of this youngster. How could he have mastered anything at such a young age?
The D tribe interprets the Top as the one in authority, and the bottom as submitting to the authority of the Top. When in actuality, in the B or S&M tribes, position (action) has nothing to do with interpersonal dynamics for most.
Occasionally there are those that try to use B or S&M tribal labels as D tribal labels. In doing so linking verbs become adjectives, and the words dominate and switch became relationship dynamic labels. While grammatically correct in the B or SM tribal use of labels as linking verbs, they are not adjectives which the D tribe is rather fond and particular about.
(1) Lingo noun 1.1 The vocabulary or jargon of a particular subject or group of people
(2) The D was always used to define the Discipline tribe, more specifically those that practiced M/s. As the tribe grew and changed, D/s became more common, and the practice of M/s and D/s as an interpersonal Dynamic. This is why the D in my acronym stands for Dynamics.
(3) Fluid: adjective 1.1 Not settled or stable; likely or able to change
"Linguistics is the science of language, that is used in the art of communication."
~me~
Personal Note:
Instead of interpreting these words for myself, and consequentially confusing those that I meet coming into this Metropolis. It is my practice to use the words and their definitions, as they are defined and were intended by each tribe. I am not that "special" that I have to have a label just for me, and presume that I can change a definition just to suit my needs. I personally have zero tolerance for those that have this mentality, and those that feel they are entitled to their own special definition.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
My life from service boy to Master ~ 1985 to 2015
In 1984 at the tender age of 17 I found the s/m scene in Nuremberg Germany. For a year I was a service boy for an s/m club on the “Wall”. I learned more in those 12 months then I could ever put on paper.
April 20th 1985 I earned the right to be a full member of the club, and the rank of Sir.
After coming back to the states I spent the next 2 years wandering around southern California, San Diego, learning to surf in La Jolla, partying in Long Beach. I met a few guys down on the beach that really set off my s/m radar, and after a few well placed comments they asked if I was "family". So for the next 2 / 2.5 years, I lived with the guys and learned that s/m was fun but there was more, there was a structure in place that kept us all accountable. I slowly learned this thing they called being Leather, and it felt really, really good. ( But that's another whole story)
So for years I was hunting kinky people and scenes from S. Cali . to Seattle following the work I ended up in Florida and landed a sweet job landscaping at Disney's new animal kingdom.
A friend of mine that I worked with at Disney told me about a "Munch" he heard about in Ft. Lauderdale. We decided to drive down and check it out. The crowd was small and mostly the older generation (40+ to us in our late 20's early 30's) and very cliquey. Having been that route I was ready to bail from day one, but Brian convinced me to go back, he had made some contacts there and found out about this "Club Kink" that went on once or twice a month.
I was on AOL for a short time as Aderwyden, but the people in the s/m rooms were from all over the country. So we gave up on that idea. So we went back, we met a few people, but mostly hung in the back and tried to be invisible. If we got caught there our "morality clause" with Disney would get us fired in a heartbeat.
Between there and hitting the Castle in Ybor we were having a pretty good time. Some guys caught my interest and boy I heard called "Ricketty C" who made the dungeon furniture (being a novice woodworker myself he perked my interest) and an old bald guy sitting in the back that reminded me a lot of the "Senior Members" of clubs that I had gone to as a younger gent.
In "97" my contract with Disney was up, and at last I could explore this new scene down south. We went to Club Kink a few times and actually struck up a friendly relationship with the old bald guy in the back. He was nice enough to let me sit with him and ask a million stupid question, I also had the chance to watch and learn how he dealt with the insanity of this party scene and what appeared to be non-stop drama, drunken idiots and the "For Hire dom females" .. it was comical most of the time. It became real clear, real quick these people really didn't socialize within any kind of rules or structure that I was used to. After 6 months I quit trying to figure it out ..it was pointless.
In "98" I ran in to this woman through a LARPS vampire game (yes still hunting the goth chicks ..hey it was easy prey) Saw some books on her shelf I knew very well .. Urban Aboriginals, Leatherman's Handbook, Ties that Bind ..and some Picture book called screw the roses.
Knowing very well the nature of this woman from past experience with her, I kept my pie hole shut. Till one day I came over to the house and she looked like a train wreck, I think I made a comment :"good scene last night ?", she kinda looked at me funny and said ..how do you know? Cautious to the core I just replied I know a little about it. Then proceeded to ask her about the books on her shelf. I had already read most of them except the Mollys book, so I asked to borrow it ... she let me ..wow I laughed most of the way through the book .. princess, brat, sam, and switch were Okay terms to define yourself ?? really ??? since when ???
Asking the woman about the book, she acted like it was the best thing since sliced cheese. Big red flag for me there. But that's okay , she had access to this thing called AOL and there was some chat room called FlDumbnStupid ..opps I mean FLDOMSUB ..wow what an eye opener. So, I created another account on AOL as WhipMiester and hung around and watched.
Here was 100+ people every night talking about things in public that for me had always been hush - hush. I'll never forget one of the first question I asked in that chat room .. So what are the rules here? I got laughed outta the room, Rules ?? we don't need no stinking rules ... boy was I in the wrong place.
Over the next 6-8 months found out about a new Clearwater munch , and a club called Sacred Heart (My thoughts it's a club, it's gotta have some kind of structure) ..sadly wrong again ... little later the woman friend told me about ALCH ..Alternative Lifestyle Community Hall ... okay, I guess I'm a sucker for punishment ..lets try again. Same thing, very few rules pretty much everyone did whatever they felt like f'n doing. (couple years later ALCH was busted for video tapeing scenes, with hidden camera's)
In 1998 work petered out in the area and an old friend of mine said her Dad could really use a hand with his Landscape company back down in Naples .. pack up the car and away we go. Not 3 months after I get down here I meet a wonderful gal who we call Miss K, she loved everything about high protocol, and the serviced based Leather lifestyle ..woo hoo Jackpot. Shortly thereafter a slave in the area put out she wanted to Start a local Munch ..Miss K and I were there in a heartbeat, helping place chairs and set out the Black and Blue balloons for the"Computer Users Group" in the Edison Mall Food Court. After that first one I heard it decided this was just not gonna work. quickly it was moved to TBL and we really started having some fun. Miss K and I volunteered as much as we could, I built a few pieces of furniture along with other crafty types and we All played Welcome Wagon at the front door ( in my mind the last thing I wanted to see was that "snob": attitude I had encountered from other groups. It worked, the play parties sometimes exceeded 100-150 people, I was hooked, all that blood sweat and tears just payed off; as I watch all those people having a Blast.
This was the Joy of Community Service .. it rang through my head like the church bells at Christmas Mass. No one knew my name, but I had all the personal satisfaction of watching them all use the things I had created and compliment the party organizer on such a great party. At the second Party I met this wonderful young lady; milf, my age and hot as hell, after a lil persuasion on my part we became a Poly. (oy~vey we live and learn) A few months in a gent asked me about my flogging style; said he had never seen anything like it and could I show him ..Sure Come on over Sunday we'll have a BBQ, and use the gals as target practice... much to the delight of my 2 maso's. Sunday came and went and we had a blast.
The next month sitting at a different table, a couple was asking why I dressed so formally and referred to Everyone as Sir or Ma'am ..mr or miss and was so very regimented in the interaction with my girls and those around me, Once again come on over Sunday and we;ll talk about it .."Really Sunday what are we doing this week" ..Came from the table next to us, from the couple that had been there the time before .. Sure come on over .. and That is how the Only thing I have ever run got started ..the DsDg::
The Dom / sub Discussion group .. for close to 4 years we met bi-weekly, sometime weekly on Sunday to talk, discuss and banter about aspects of D/S , Leather, S/M. Fortunately other members of the community stepped up and would head up our round table discussion and we had a great time an many very close friendships were built in those years. I was asked to mentor a few of these close friends that we made, and all I asked is that they give back to the community freely as I was giving what I could freely to them. Word got around that I was teaching FUN classes about our scene, and I started getting invitations from Jacksonville to Lauderdale, from Tampa to Daytona to speak on S/M 101 , flogging, relationship Dynamics, and most importantly what Leather was to me and how I made it work in the 21st Century.
In 2000 with the help of close friends and my girls that had become family, we started “House Toujours Pret”with the Motto; “Always Ready / Service Before Self”.
Sometime in 2001, I had a falling out with the woman that was running this sweet lil party in our home town and got "uninvited" to future events. Really I did not think much of it, I had gotten wrangled into helping out at the TBL Goth nite surrounded by a ton of cute lil hottie Goth maso's who wanted nothing more then jump up on the cross an get beat ..wooh hoo Sadists heaven, with me a very hot Italian Domme I was mentoring, and one of the best Tops I had ever had a chance to teach jumped at the idea and let the Chaos reign !!!
About the same time we got an invite through the Sarasota Society an hour north that a young lady was setting up a fetish night in a local popular club and could we bring our show there ..Sure Why Not ..more tighty ass to beat.
The party and our show as a huge success, the organizer asked us to come up to her "Social club" to talk. Walking into her place as a dream come true ..very private,high ceilings and tons of space. She asked if we would be willing to do a "fetish" night for her club, being quick on my feet I said .", the deal was sealed. So we helped the Sarasota Society get their own play space for them to party locally. So for 4 years we assisted the swing club, somehow got talked into managing it every weekend and helped build positive relationships between the swinger and the Sarasota B/D/SM community.
1999 - 2006 were some Really busy years.. running the DSDG, creating our Household "House Toujours Pret", doing the Fetish nite, and being of service to the Huge Tampa Party once a month, and facilitating the Sarasota Society Parties, and managing "Club Cinsual" in between times, and add in I was informally recruited to be the eyes and ears for the current GM of the area.
During this time got reacquainted with a a great guy, and woodworker that had a dream about building a club in O-town, we sat around his living room table for days talking about club vs community center .. house space vs warehouse .. legalities ..I brought legal papers from the club I was managing and hoped to god this guy had the balls to pull this off it would be so sweet.
In 2005 I decided to make my slave “angyl” legally mine … and we got married
Then ..the great Explosion of 2005 / 2006 .. Our Hierarchy went to hell in a hand~basket. Major disasters happened all over the state, old timers dove for the closets. People that had been harboring resentments against one another started outing each other to work places, families..courts got involved ..OMG it was a mess. angyl and I were already severely burned out from the past 5 years said ,,fuck it you piranha's devour yourselves ... we'll come back in a few years when the blood has settled. We closed our Doors changed our number ..got married and tried to do the vanilla thing.
3 years later ..not so good, barely speaking and knowing something was just missing in our life .. knock on the door an our :"bad penny" is back living with us again for like the 6th time in 10 years. The positive thing is he motivates me to go back out to the mens clubs and go back to basic ..screw the politics ..just have fun. And that we did .. didn't take us long to find the local leather guys and be the support crew for a New Leather Mens night at the Local Gay bar ..woot my Leather fix is gett'n juiced back up. For the next year we had a blast with the guys .. Friday night Dances, Sat night Bucket nite (drunk nite) Sunday Tea Dance .. once a month LUL night ..(Leather/ Uniforms / Levis night ..what a friggin recharge that I needed so badly.
Oct 2010 one of my favorite students finds me on facebook; "Sir, can we talk?" The next evening we had drinks at his hangout; and he says; .. "eyy there's a rope thing tomorrow night and your favorite "twisted second cousin" {see:switch} should be there". Okay what the heck we'll go.
The next morning, head off for a haircut ..just hit the chair and the cellphone goes off;
Angyl: "Sir you need to get home NOW
::personal panic starts to kick in :::
Me: Why ?
Angyl: "Your brother CS is on the phone and pissed"
Me: "CS ? Cec** St*** ?"
Angyl: "Yes"
Me: "How did he get our number?"
Angyl: "I don't know, but you did have drinks with N*** last night."
Me: "Well hell, Rudy (my barber) cut it quick I gotta go NOW".
Well, I broke more laws then I want to admit getting home and calling back one of my oldest friends.
CS:"Hello .."
Me: "Hey Rickity C "
CS: "Sir, where the F*** have you been?"
ME: "hmm in Cape Coral ?"
CS: "We did it brother, we did it "
Me: "Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute you have no pictures you have no proof."
CS: "No Sir, the Community Center we dreamed about it is Real, been real for 3 years.
Holy shyt the motivated bastard had done it. 2 weeks later got to get up there and see it, and yes it is damn near everything CS had planned in his head and we had put down on paper..
That month went down to check out the new Naples munch, told angyl on the way there. "Kinda gonna be nice going to a munch where nobody knows us and we can kinda sit in the back and just observe". Well that lasted all of about 15 min, walked in the door and it was a 10 yr reunion; it was like we had never left all the old faces and a ton of young people. Close to 60 people if I remember right. Then the icing on the cake, in strolls Sir Top and bonnie They were the "presenters" for the evening. Needless to say our cover was blown right there.
Within a month old friends started asking me to get involved with that munch south of me. Something was not right there, so we did. We got involved and found a mess load of unethical behavior by the facilitator Andy S. I started suggesting educational classes on basics like, Red Flags, communication, and negotiation. Some I taught, some others in the community stepped up and led. Shortly afterward Andy S. said he had no choice but to miss a munch and asked me to step in till he got back, Service Before Self , "Sure NP, I'll keep your seat warm", 10 months later he still had not returned. The Florida-Naples Area Munch is doing great, real warm inviting group of people and we are steadily growing.
During 2011 with the help of other locals we started to rebuild the Florida-Naples Area Munch. Early on there were sometimes 6-12 of us there regularly, something had to change. I called in a favor or two and some of our states best teachers and presenters came and presented on their favorite topics.
We started to grow, and soon had a nice monthly gathering . During this growth met a nice couple new to the B/D/SM scene, but not alternative lifestyles; that were extremely outgoing and had the qualities to take over. Well, the original munch facilitator had not been back in over 2 years,in fact had moved to Texas. I tried to convince him to turn the munch over to actual Naples residents, I always got the same reply;"No, I own the Munch, accept that or I will find someone else to replace you".
So, while everyone was at the BASH in 2012, I created the Naples Florida Munch group on FL, and left his ownership to himself. Yes, I got called everything but a white male by the online crowd for doing so, including the best one "the mutinous pirate" which really cracked me up. Very shortly thereafter I turn the group & munch over to the Naples couple that had helped rebuild the group. They have continued to keep it growing, and started a MAST chapter, Rope Group and Coffee socials.
Towards the end of 2012 a young group in Port Charlotte wanted to start a local monthly party, and asked if I would help. They said that they had been told I had assisted in a few, maybe I would be willing to help them. "Sure, heck I love a good party."
I told them the horror stories of clubs & parties state wide from the past decade, and suggested they do and not do a few things.
After about 3-4 months they decided they knew enough and did not need my assistance. Excellent now I can just come and play. That lasted about 3 months, they said and did some things that blew up on them. These were the exact things I had somewhat strongly suggest would be bad ideas, and the parties crashed.
Another gentleman Daniel stepped up with his girl Dawn and offered to bail them out financially. He called me and asked if I would show him the ropes; I said; "Sure as long as we follow a few simple rules, that I call the 7 Deadly Sins. He agreed wholeheartedly and agreed that for this type of thing to survive we had to have structure.
Within 2-3 months the young group disappeared, and the gentleman was on his own. He called me again and said, "I heard you might have some furniture you could lend me. Just till I get this up and running again". I told him by all means he could use em, and asked about his DM's. He said he was hoping I could help him with that also, Done I said.
In the middle of 2013 our small Cape Coral Munch found a new home, and started really growing. The great people who started it, and the local people came together and made something to be proud of. In Oct(?) 2013 Master Fred asked if I would be willing to be an organizer with him. Since he was out of town for 5 days of the week, and flew in on Friday night. I could assist him with set up, and fill in when work or weather prevented him from making it home. I accepted as long as I did not have to present (LOL). (11/14) Averaging 30-40 people now even on boring topics, so it's doing good.
On March 14th 2014 I was asked to show up to one of our regular monthly parties early, and found a rather large group of my friends from all over the state inside. At the far end of the room stood two of the people I respect most in the world; Master Louis Michael and Sir Paul. Together Paul and I knelt in front of our community and our "Dad" Master Louis. He first presented Sir Paul his Cover that was long over due. Then with angyl on my right, jj on my left, and the rest of my family beside me, Master Louis & Master Paul welcomed this youngster into their ranks. I will never forget my brothers words "We all know you're a scrappy lil MF. Do me a favor? Pick your fights carefully" & Master Louis with that Daddy look "You disrespect those that wore these before us, and I will yank that bitch off your head and cut it in two". I have no doubt he was not joking, I will do my best Sir.
Last year some friends up in Tampa kept talking about wanting an old school mentality leather club. I was excited, sure when you get it going lemme know I'll join. After a few months and an unsuccessful attempt to "chapter" to another club. They all said why don't we make our own? Sure, why not. So over rum Buckets at the Flamingo Resort we started talking. Everyone put in what they wanted and were looking for, education, friendship, and service, were at the top of the list in that order. Someone asked, *"so are we going to be pansexual?"* I was maybe to quick to reply, "Leather has nothing to do with sexual preference". So, UNION-Tampa Leather Club was born, using the technology of today it was much simpler then I thought it was going to be. Until ... they voted me as Commanding Officer (president),
I warned em. I don't think this is a good idea, but typical people with Leather hearts; headstrong SoB's they did it anyway. So 6 months in and around 15 very active members, it appears we'll be okay.
Well here it is Nov. 2014, The LXIX parties are still going strong, they have all their own furniture but one piece. And young blood is being taught by my myself to DM. They are doing very nicely, and have kept Service not the $$ in the front of their minds, we'll see how this goes.
Looks like 2015 will start Part III .. ohhh boy.
April 20th 1985 I earned the right to be a full member of the club, and the rank of Sir.
After coming back to the states I spent the next 2 years wandering around southern California, San Diego, learning to surf in La Jolla, partying in Long Beach. I met a few guys down on the beach that really set off my s/m radar, and after a few well placed comments they asked if I was "family". So for the next 2 / 2.5 years, I lived with the guys and learned that s/m was fun but there was more, there was a structure in place that kept us all accountable. I slowly learned this thing they called being Leather, and it felt really, really good. ( But that's another whole story)
So for years I was hunting kinky people and scenes from S. Cali . to Seattle following the work I ended up in Florida and landed a sweet job landscaping at Disney's new animal kingdom.
A friend of mine that I worked with at Disney told me about a "Munch" he heard about in Ft. Lauderdale. We decided to drive down and check it out. The crowd was small and mostly the older generation (40+ to us in our late 20's early 30's) and very cliquey. Having been that route I was ready to bail from day one, but Brian convinced me to go back, he had made some contacts there and found out about this "Club Kink" that went on once or twice a month.
I was on AOL for a short time as Aderwyden, but the people in the s/m rooms were from all over the country. So we gave up on that idea. So we went back, we met a few people, but mostly hung in the back and tried to be invisible. If we got caught there our "morality clause" with Disney would get us fired in a heartbeat.
Between there and hitting the Castle in Ybor we were having a pretty good time. Some guys caught my interest and boy I heard called "Ricketty C" who made the dungeon furniture (being a novice woodworker myself he perked my interest) and an old bald guy sitting in the back that reminded me a lot of the "Senior Members" of clubs that I had gone to as a younger gent.
In "97" my contract with Disney was up, and at last I could explore this new scene down south. We went to Club Kink a few times and actually struck up a friendly relationship with the old bald guy in the back. He was nice enough to let me sit with him and ask a million stupid question, I also had the chance to watch and learn how he dealt with the insanity of this party scene and what appeared to be non-stop drama, drunken idiots and the "For Hire dom females" .. it was comical most of the time. It became real clear, real quick these people really didn't socialize within any kind of rules or structure that I was used to. After 6 months I quit trying to figure it out ..it was pointless.
In "98" I ran in to this woman through a LARPS vampire game (yes still hunting the goth chicks ..hey it was easy prey) Saw some books on her shelf I knew very well .. Urban Aboriginals, Leatherman's Handbook, Ties that Bind ..and some Picture book called screw the roses.
Knowing very well the nature of this woman from past experience with her, I kept my pie hole shut. Till one day I came over to the house and she looked like a train wreck, I think I made a comment :"good scene last night ?", she kinda looked at me funny and said ..how do you know? Cautious to the core I just replied I know a little about it. Then proceeded to ask her about the books on her shelf. I had already read most of them except the Mollys book, so I asked to borrow it ... she let me ..wow I laughed most of the way through the book .. princess, brat, sam, and switch were Okay terms to define yourself ?? really ??? since when ???
Asking the woman about the book, she acted like it was the best thing since sliced cheese. Big red flag for me there. But that's okay , she had access to this thing called AOL and there was some chat room called FlDumbnStupid ..opps I mean FLDOMSUB ..wow what an eye opener. So, I created another account on AOL as WhipMiester and hung around and watched.
Here was 100+ people every night talking about things in public that for me had always been hush - hush. I'll never forget one of the first question I asked in that chat room .. So what are the rules here? I got laughed outta the room, Rules ?? we don't need no stinking rules ... boy was I in the wrong place.
Over the next 6-8 months found out about a new Clearwater munch , and a club called Sacred Heart (My thoughts it's a club, it's gotta have some kind of structure) ..sadly wrong again ... little later the woman friend told me about ALCH ..Alternative Lifestyle Community Hall ... okay, I guess I'm a sucker for punishment ..lets try again. Same thing, very few rules pretty much everyone did whatever they felt like f'n doing. (couple years later ALCH was busted for video tapeing scenes, with hidden camera's)
In 1998 work petered out in the area and an old friend of mine said her Dad could really use a hand with his Landscape company back down in Naples .. pack up the car and away we go. Not 3 months after I get down here I meet a wonderful gal who we call Miss K, she loved everything about high protocol, and the serviced based Leather lifestyle ..woo hoo Jackpot. Shortly thereafter a slave in the area put out she wanted to Start a local Munch ..Miss K and I were there in a heartbeat, helping place chairs and set out the Black and Blue balloons for the"Computer Users Group" in the Edison Mall Food Court. After that first one I heard it decided this was just not gonna work. quickly it was moved to TBL and we really started having some fun. Miss K and I volunteered as much as we could, I built a few pieces of furniture along with other crafty types and we All played Welcome Wagon at the front door ( in my mind the last thing I wanted to see was that "snob": attitude I had encountered from other groups. It worked, the play parties sometimes exceeded 100-150 people, I was hooked, all that blood sweat and tears just payed off; as I watch all those people having a Blast.
This was the Joy of Community Service .. it rang through my head like the church bells at Christmas Mass. No one knew my name, but I had all the personal satisfaction of watching them all use the things I had created and compliment the party organizer on such a great party. At the second Party I met this wonderful young lady; milf, my age and hot as hell, after a lil persuasion on my part we became a Poly. (oy~vey we live and learn) A few months in a gent asked me about my flogging style; said he had never seen anything like it and could I show him ..Sure Come on over Sunday we'll have a BBQ, and use the gals as target practice... much to the delight of my 2 maso's. Sunday came and went and we had a blast.
The next month sitting at a different table, a couple was asking why I dressed so formally and referred to Everyone as Sir or Ma'am ..mr or miss and was so very regimented in the interaction with my girls and those around me, Once again come on over Sunday and we;ll talk about it .."Really Sunday what are we doing this week" ..Came from the table next to us, from the couple that had been there the time before .. Sure come on over .. and That is how the Only thing I have ever run got started ..the DsDg::
The Dom / sub Discussion group .. for close to 4 years we met bi-weekly, sometime weekly on Sunday to talk, discuss and banter about aspects of D/S , Leather, S/M. Fortunately other members of the community stepped up and would head up our round table discussion and we had a great time an many very close friendships were built in those years. I was asked to mentor a few of these close friends that we made, and all I asked is that they give back to the community freely as I was giving what I could freely to them. Word got around that I was teaching FUN classes about our scene, and I started getting invitations from Jacksonville to Lauderdale, from Tampa to Daytona to speak on S/M 101 , flogging, relationship Dynamics, and most importantly what Leather was to me and how I made it work in the 21st Century.
In 2000 with the help of close friends and my girls that had become family, we started “House Toujours Pret”with the Motto; “Always Ready / Service Before Self”.
Sometime in 2001, I had a falling out with the woman that was running this sweet lil party in our home town and got "uninvited" to future events. Really I did not think much of it, I had gotten wrangled into helping out at the TBL Goth nite surrounded by a ton of cute lil hottie Goth maso's who wanted nothing more then jump up on the cross an get beat ..wooh hoo Sadists heaven, with me a very hot Italian Domme I was mentoring, and one of the best Tops I had ever had a chance to teach jumped at the idea and let the Chaos reign !!!
About the same time we got an invite through the Sarasota Society an hour north that a young lady was setting up a fetish night in a local popular club and could we bring our show there ..Sure Why Not ..more tighty ass to beat.
The party and our show as a huge success, the organizer asked us to come up to her "Social club" to talk. Walking into her place as a dream come true ..very private,high ceilings and tons of space. She asked if we would be willing to do a "fetish" night for her club, being quick on my feet I said .", the deal was sealed. So we helped the Sarasota Society get their own play space for them to party locally. So for 4 years we assisted the swing club, somehow got talked into managing it every weekend and helped build positive relationships between the swinger and the Sarasota B/D/SM community.
1999 - 2006 were some Really busy years.. running the DSDG, creating our Household "House Toujours Pret", doing the Fetish nite, and being of service to the Huge Tampa Party once a month, and facilitating the Sarasota Society Parties, and managing "Club Cinsual" in between times, and add in I was informally recruited to be the eyes and ears for the current GM of the area.
During this time got reacquainted with a a great guy, and woodworker that had a dream about building a club in O-town, we sat around his living room table for days talking about club vs community center .. house space vs warehouse .. legalities ..I brought legal papers from the club I was managing and hoped to god this guy had the balls to pull this off it would be so sweet.
In 2005 I decided to make my slave “angyl” legally mine … and we got married
Then ..the great Explosion of 2005 / 2006 .. Our Hierarchy went to hell in a hand~basket. Major disasters happened all over the state, old timers dove for the closets. People that had been harboring resentments against one another started outing each other to work places, families..courts got involved ..OMG it was a mess. angyl and I were already severely burned out from the past 5 years said ,,fuck it you piranha's devour yourselves ... we'll come back in a few years when the blood has settled. We closed our Doors changed our number ..got married and tried to do the vanilla thing.
3 years later ..not so good, barely speaking and knowing something was just missing in our life .. knock on the door an our :"bad penny" is back living with us again for like the 6th time in 10 years. The positive thing is he motivates me to go back out to the mens clubs and go back to basic ..screw the politics ..just have fun. And that we did .. didn't take us long to find the local leather guys and be the support crew for a New Leather Mens night at the Local Gay bar ..woot my Leather fix is gett'n juiced back up. For the next year we had a blast with the guys .. Friday night Dances, Sat night Bucket nite (drunk nite) Sunday Tea Dance .. once a month LUL night ..(Leather/ Uniforms / Levis night ..what a friggin recharge that I needed so badly.
Oct 2010 one of my favorite students finds me on facebook; "Sir, can we talk?" The next evening we had drinks at his hangout; and he says; .. "eyy there's a rope thing tomorrow night and your favorite "twisted second cousin" {see:switch} should be there". Okay what the heck we'll go.
The next morning, head off for a haircut ..just hit the chair and the cellphone goes off;
Angyl: "Sir you need to get home NOW
::personal panic starts to kick in :::
Me: Why ?
Angyl: "Your brother CS is on the phone and pissed"
Me: "CS ? Cec** St*** ?"
Angyl: "Yes"
Me: "How did he get our number?"
Angyl: "I don't know, but you did have drinks with N*** last night."
Me: "Well hell, Rudy (my barber) cut it quick I gotta go NOW".
Well, I broke more laws then I want to admit getting home and calling back one of my oldest friends.
CS:"Hello .."
Me: "Hey Rickity C "
CS: "Sir, where the F*** have you been?"
ME: "hmm in Cape Coral ?"
CS: "We did it brother, we did it "
Me: "Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute you have no pictures you have no proof."
CS: "No Sir, the Community Center we dreamed about it is Real, been real for 3 years.
Holy shyt the motivated bastard had done it. 2 weeks later got to get up there and see it, and yes it is damn near everything CS had planned in his head and we had put down on paper..
That month went down to check out the new Naples munch, told angyl on the way there. "Kinda gonna be nice going to a munch where nobody knows us and we can kinda sit in the back and just observe". Well that lasted all of about 15 min, walked in the door and it was a 10 yr reunion; it was like we had never left all the old faces and a ton of young people. Close to 60 people if I remember right. Then the icing on the cake, in strolls Sir Top and bonnie They were the "presenters" for the evening. Needless to say our cover was blown right there.
Within a month old friends started asking me to get involved with that munch south of me. Something was not right there, so we did. We got involved and found a mess load of unethical behavior by the facilitator Andy S. I started suggesting educational classes on basics like, Red Flags, communication, and negotiation. Some I taught, some others in the community stepped up and led. Shortly afterward Andy S. said he had no choice but to miss a munch and asked me to step in till he got back, Service Before Self , "Sure NP, I'll keep your seat warm", 10 months later he still had not returned. The Florida-Naples Area Munch is doing great, real warm inviting group of people and we are steadily growing.
During 2011 with the help of other locals we started to rebuild the Florida-Naples Area Munch. Early on there were sometimes 6-12 of us there regularly, something had to change. I called in a favor or two and some of our states best teachers and presenters came and presented on their favorite topics.
We started to grow, and soon had a nice monthly gathering . During this growth met a nice couple new to the B/D/SM scene, but not alternative lifestyles; that were extremely outgoing and had the qualities to take over. Well, the original munch facilitator had not been back in over 2 years,in fact had moved to Texas. I tried to convince him to turn the munch over to actual Naples residents, I always got the same reply;"No, I own the Munch, accept that or I will find someone else to replace you".
So, while everyone was at the BASH in 2012, I created the Naples Florida Munch group on FL, and left his ownership to himself. Yes, I got called everything but a white male by the online crowd for doing so, including the best one "the mutinous pirate" which really cracked me up. Very shortly thereafter I turn the group & munch over to the Naples couple that had helped rebuild the group. They have continued to keep it growing, and started a MAST chapter, Rope Group and Coffee socials.
Towards the end of 2012 a young group in Port Charlotte wanted to start a local monthly party, and asked if I would help. They said that they had been told I had assisted in a few, maybe I would be willing to help them. "Sure, heck I love a good party."
I told them the horror stories of clubs & parties state wide from the past decade, and suggested they do and not do a few things.
After about 3-4 months they decided they knew enough and did not need my assistance. Excellent now I can just come and play. That lasted about 3 months, they said and did some things that blew up on them. These were the exact things I had somewhat strongly suggest would be bad ideas, and the parties crashed.
Another gentleman Daniel stepped up with his girl Dawn and offered to bail them out financially. He called me and asked if I would show him the ropes; I said; "Sure as long as we follow a few simple rules, that I call the 7 Deadly Sins. He agreed wholeheartedly and agreed that for this type of thing to survive we had to have structure.
Within 2-3 months the young group disappeared, and the gentleman was on his own. He called me again and said, "I heard you might have some furniture you could lend me. Just till I get this up and running again". I told him by all means he could use em, and asked about his DM's. He said he was hoping I could help him with that also, Done I said.
In the middle of 2013 our small Cape Coral Munch found a new home, and started really growing. The great people who started it, and the local people came together and made something to be proud of. In Oct(?) 2013 Master Fred asked if I would be willing to be an organizer with him. Since he was out of town for 5 days of the week, and flew in on Friday night. I could assist him with set up, and fill in when work or weather prevented him from making it home. I accepted as long as I did not have to present (LOL). (11/14) Averaging 30-40 people now even on boring topics, so it's doing good.
On March 14th 2014 I was asked to show up to one of our regular monthly parties early, and found a rather large group of my friends from all over the state inside. At the far end of the room stood two of the people I respect most in the world; Master Louis Michael and Sir Paul. Together Paul and I knelt in front of our community and our "Dad" Master Louis. He first presented Sir Paul his Cover that was long over due. Then with angyl on my right, jj on my left, and the rest of my family beside me, Master Louis & Master Paul welcomed this youngster into their ranks. I will never forget my brothers words "We all know you're a scrappy lil MF. Do me a favor? Pick your fights carefully" & Master Louis with that Daddy look "You disrespect those that wore these before us, and I will yank that bitch off your head and cut it in two". I have no doubt he was not joking, I will do my best Sir.
Last year some friends up in Tampa kept talking about wanting an old school mentality leather club. I was excited, sure when you get it going lemme know I'll join. After a few months and an unsuccessful attempt to "chapter" to another club. They all said why don't we make our own? Sure, why not. So over rum Buckets at the Flamingo Resort we started talking. Everyone put in what they wanted and were looking for, education, friendship, and service, were at the top of the list in that order. Someone asked, *"so are we going to be pansexual?"* I was maybe to quick to reply, "Leather has nothing to do with sexual preference". So, UNION-Tampa Leather Club was born, using the technology of today it was much simpler then I thought it was going to be. Until ... they voted me as Commanding Officer (president),
I warned em. I don't think this is a good idea, but typical people with Leather hearts; headstrong SoB's they did it anyway. So 6 months in and around 15 very active members, it appears we'll be okay.
Well here it is Nov. 2014, The LXIX parties are still going strong, they have all their own furniture but one piece. And young blood is being taught by my myself to DM. They are doing very nicely, and have kept Service not the $$ in the front of their minds, we'll see how this goes.
Looks like 2015 will start Part III .. ohhh boy.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Who is Master Alan?
Who am I ?
I consider myself a Leatherman and try and live up to that standard.
I am Dominant in my personality and relationship dynamic.
My sex is Sadistic.
I enjoy my S&M from the Top.
I aspire to Master myself every day.
I am a Servant to my community.
So if you must label me; pick one, they all apply,
but be warned you pick one you get them ALL.
I like to think of myself as a"Catalyst"
"Catalysis is the increase in rate of a chemical reaction due to the participation of a substance called a catalyst.
The effect of a catalyst may vary due to the presence of other substances known as inhibitors or poisons (which reduce the catalytic activity) or promoters (which increase the activity).
Any substance of which a small proportion notably affects the reaction rate of a chemical reaction without itself being changed or consumed."
~Webster~
Translated into Leather Lingo: Any person that creates positive change in their surroundings; without themselves being changed or consumed.
Why Master Alan as a moniker ?
Why do I use “MasterAlan” as my internet civilization moniker?
Earlier this year I was presented with a Cover and given the Title of Master, this has created an interesting ethical quandary for me.Early on my Leather path, I was entrusted with a leather Vest, shortly before this internet created civilization. It was a big deal in the club that I was associated with, and a moment to be celebrated and remembered. The occasion was considered a landmark on a member’s path, and an important accomplishment required to start the next phase of someone’s life.
During this celebration, older members came up and charged me with simple duties and customs, a few of these have been my foundation over the years.
The conversations always started with;
"Congratulations Sir, as is our custom that we charge you with a request or a question that you must answer for yourself;"
(My favorite from a close friend) "Sir, let’s be honest, this celebration is a passé, archaic ritual and the vest is a purely ceremonial garment. The quality of the person inside it though, is what really matters; it is that quality in you that we are celebrating, with or without the fashion statement."
"You have earned the Title of ”Sir” from us, by your willingness to learn and by your actions you have proven your value to us. It is ethically reprehensible to disregard this value, and respect that we have for you, by not living by what you have learned, nor accepting this Title we have given to you."
Since that day April 20th, 1985, I have always introduced myself as Sir Alan, and signed any correspondence in my leather or b/d/sm communities as such.
On March 14th, 2014 I was entrusted with a Cover, presented to me by 2 Leather men whom I’ve known for almost 2 decades, in the presence of my South West Florida community.
Once again during the celebration those that I respected came up and charged me with duties or statements;
“For over 15 years, you have always gave of yourself, service has never been just a word to you, it’s been something you do. You've put your name on the line, stood up for everything you believed in and never backed down. For these reasons alone I believe you have already earned this Cover and the Title we've given you.”.
”We all know you are one feisty, mean little s.o.b. that never backs down from a fight when defending family, friends, or what you believe is right. You have no reservations when you feel that the “elephant in the middle of the room” needs to be pointed out, when no one else will stand up and say it. We’re okay with this, in fact it’s kind of why we love you. Now, you must pick your fights more carefully. Ask yourself, Will the outcome of your actions create something positive? Some battles are just not worth the cost”.
”Master Alan, it been a pleasure to watch you grow over the many years we’ve known each other. I know that this occasion is going to create growth challenges for you that you may have never encountered. I know you love a good challenge, now you know you don’t have to Earn It, you can just tackle these challenges for the fun of it.”
After receiving my Cover, I did a lot of asking questions of my mentor and those I consider my elders, probably driving them insane with my endless queries. One of the things I did learn is; it is socially impolite to introduce myself as Master Alan outside my community. This Title is only used by others in in your community as recognition of your accomplishments , and their respect for you. Much like a degree of “honoris causae’’ (Latin: "for the sake of the honor") or in laymen’s terms an honorary Doctorates or Masters degree; that Dr. or PHD is only officially recognized by that university. Although, those that have done the work and have proven their learning are entitled to use Dr. or PHD. in their everyday life, even by those they never went to school with.
So here I sit 9 months later staring at this internet moniker of MasterAlan, pondering which edge of this double edged sword I prefer to cut myself with.
1: ” You have earned the Title of Sir (Master) from us by your willingness to learn (teach), and by your actions you have proven your value to us. It is ethically reprehensible to disregard this value, and respect that we have for you, by not living by what you have learned, nor accepting this Title we’ve given to you.”
Or
2: ”; it is socially impolite to introduce yourself as Master Alan. This Title is only used by others in in your community as recognition of your accomplishments, and their respect for you.”
This internet civilization is not my community, but the internet is the most prevalent form of communication today. The internet civilization does not know me, to anyone reading my replies online, it is but the moniker of a cyber personification. I might be just another guy that found the “M” key, or was given an Honorary Cover after a few years of facilitating an event or function in a BDSM environment.
When I went for advice from my Mentor, he replied with 2 questions. (and my friends wonder where I learned this from)
1: What does the Title "Master Alan" mean to you?
and
2: Do you want this Title?
Talk about throwing a guy a curve ball, mean to me? want? Why do I feel like I just got smacked by "Gibbs"?
Master is defined in this culture as:
1: a title given to one that has proven to be eminently skilled in an art, occupation or science, a person whose teachings or examples are respected and or followed.
2: the term of endearment between a couple in a Master / slave relationship dynamic.
Alan is defined as;
Celtic male for harmony, peace, congruity, or an agreement.
Germanic male for precious, as in well loved;
Gaelic “ailin” meaning “little rock”
For once in my life I am perfectly content with this definitive of me, it is a daily reminder of who I need to be.
In my eyes why do people address me as Master Alan?
I have proven through my actions over the past 2 decades, that my philosophy and practice of Leather works. I have proven to my local community that what I teach coincides with how I live.
I have made a choice to live my life the way I was taught, and the way I see fit. It does not matter if I am popular, if I stand alone as the “bad guy”, or if others don't agreed with my decisions, it works for me.
This piece of Leather as I understand it, symbolizes that those who presented it to me, and my local community understand and appreciate my service, my philosophy and this thing I do that I call Leather. Those that address me as Master Alan are those that know me, and they are the only ones that really matter in my life, not this internet civilization.
So the answer to this ethical quandary did not come from within, but from those who have traveled this path with me.
So:
Yes, I am often called Sir, Coach, Papa Smurf, Sir Asshole, Daddy, ELF, the mutinous pirate, but above all else Today I am;
“For over 15 years, you have always gave of yourself, service has never been just a word to you, it’s been something you do. You've put your name on the line, stood up for everything you believed in and never backed down. For these reasons alone I believe you have already earned this Cover and the Title we've given you.”.
”We all know you are one feisty, mean little s.o.b. that never backs down from a fight when defending family, friends, or what you believe is right. You have no reservations when you feel that the “elephant in the middle of the room” needs to be pointed out, when no one else will stand up and say it. We’re okay with this, in fact it’s kind of why we love you. Now, you must pick your fights more carefully. Ask yourself, Will the outcome of your actions create something positive? Some battles are just not worth the cost”.
”Master Alan, it been a pleasure to watch you grow over the many years we’ve known each other. I know that this occasion is going to create growth challenges for you that you may have never encountered. I know you love a good challenge, now you know you don’t have to Earn It, you can just tackle these challenges for the fun of it.”
After receiving my Cover, I did a lot of asking questions of my mentor and those I consider my elders, probably driving them insane with my endless queries. One of the things I did learn is; it is socially impolite to introduce myself as Master Alan outside my community. This Title is only used by others in in your community as recognition of your accomplishments , and their respect for you. Much like a degree of “honoris causae’’ (Latin: "for the sake of the honor") or in laymen’s terms an honorary Doctorates or Masters degree; that Dr. or PHD is only officially recognized by that university. Although, those that have done the work and have proven their learning are entitled to use Dr. or PHD. in their everyday life, even by those they never went to school with.
So here I sit 9 months later staring at this internet moniker of MasterAlan, pondering which edge of this double edged sword I prefer to cut myself with.
1: ” You have earned the Title of Sir (Master) from us by your willingness to learn (teach), and by your actions you have proven your value to us. It is ethically reprehensible to disregard this value, and respect that we have for you, by not living by what you have learned, nor accepting this Title we’ve given to you.”
Or
2: ”; it is socially impolite to introduce yourself as Master Alan. This Title is only used by others in in your community as recognition of your accomplishments, and their respect for you.”
This internet civilization is not my community, but the internet is the most prevalent form of communication today. The internet civilization does not know me, to anyone reading my replies online, it is but the moniker of a cyber personification. I might be just another guy that found the “M” key, or was given an Honorary Cover after a few years of facilitating an event or function in a BDSM environment.
When I went for advice from my Mentor, he replied with 2 questions. (and my friends wonder where I learned this from)
1: What does the Title "Master Alan" mean to you?
and
2: Do you want this Title?
Talk about throwing a guy a curve ball, mean to me? want? Why do I feel like I just got smacked by "Gibbs"?
Master is defined in this culture as:
1: a title given to one that has proven to be eminently skilled in an art, occupation or science, a person whose teachings or examples are respected and or followed.
2: the term of endearment between a couple in a Master / slave relationship dynamic.
Alan is defined as;
Celtic male for harmony, peace, congruity, or an agreement.
Germanic male for precious, as in well loved;
Gaelic “ailin” meaning “little rock”
For once in my life I am perfectly content with this definitive of me, it is a daily reminder of who I need to be.
In my eyes why do people address me as Master Alan?
I have proven through my actions over the past 2 decades, that my philosophy and practice of Leather works. I have proven to my local community that what I teach coincides with how I live.
I have made a choice to live my life the way I was taught, and the way I see fit. It does not matter if I am popular, if I stand alone as the “bad guy”, or if others don't agreed with my decisions, it works for me.
This piece of Leather as I understand it, symbolizes that those who presented it to me, and my local community understand and appreciate my service, my philosophy and this thing I do that I call Leather. Those that address me as Master Alan are those that know me, and they are the only ones that really matter in my life, not this internet civilization.
So the answer to this ethical quandary did not come from within, but from those who have traveled this path with me.
So:
Yes, I am often called Sir, Coach, Papa Smurf, Sir Asshole, Daddy, ELF, the mutinous pirate, but above all else Today I am;
Master Alan.
A Master is a slave to his community, just as his boy is onto him.
To those who wish to call me anything else, feel free; but please just don’t call me late for dinner.
A Master is a slave to his community, just as his boy is onto him.
To those who wish to call me anything else, feel free; but please just don’t call me late for dinner.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Managing your Presence.
Being
aware of my own presence or personal energy is very important to the
personification of my persona. We are nothing but biological machines that run
on electricity. This energy, through patience and practice can be manipulated,
hopefully always for positive results.
This practice is as old as religion itself and is the basis for many
wiccan beliefs. So I have always adopted their rule. Do no harm. That energy
can be focused to create positive and negative charges.
Knowing
how to Key up my presence when the time is right; but also how to key down that
presence when in the domain of another is crucial to survival in this culture
for me. Before going into an event or speaking engagement that I need to be THE
one in charge or the authority I concentrate on that energy that is inside me.
I bring it to the surface so that in my
mind it radiates from my skin. In a sense, like a static field. Others cannot see it but I have found over
the years, that others CAN feel it, other D-types will get agitated by it if
they think that this area is THEIR domain. Submissive personalities will be
drawn to it like a moth to a flame. They don’t know why, it’s charming or
charismatic; whatever word one would want to use to describe it.
Now
if I know I am going into the Dog House of another D-type I will purposely Key
it down. Withdraw my energies within me as to not RUB the Big Dog’s fur. The
reaction that is produced is a calming effect, their energy just kind of flows
around me. I don’t block them but much like a smooth boulder in a stream it
does not hinder the flow but I am not effected by it either. Ever talked with
another D-type at a function and they just felt like sandpaper on your skin?
For some reason they just irritated you?
You don’t know why, it’s not like they did anything wrong; they just
don’t FEEL right? These are individuals
that knowingly or not have Keyed up their presence and are trying to include
themselves into your own personal space. Even subconsciously we may forcefully
block them in self defense, and we come off as being rude or cold towards the
person. Once again the trick is Attention to Detail, by noticing what is
happening you can refocus your energy into a Round form. Not blocking them,
which would feel defensive. But not pushing back either which would appear
offensive. Apathy is a great mental defense, just appearing Not to care.
Many
times I have learned that I must also Shield myself from others. In this life
there are those that will pry into your energy; maybe not even knowingly. There are those that subconsciously use their
energy to persuade or charm if you will those around them. It’s not always with a negative intent but it
is not entirely honest either. How does one protect themselves from these
invasive personalities?
In
my experience, invasive persona’s often use questions to get you to open up and
think closely on a subject. That gives them an opening for them to invade your
space, your natural defense are down because you are accessing your memory
banks to answer the question. One of the most charismatic speakers I have ever
heard in my life, NEVER answers a question. Ask him what do you think of the
color green? And his replies will have you questioning if there is really such
a thing as green; but he will never have answered your question. Well practiced
defense.
Touch
is also another probing mechanism used by many. Ever met those people that are
just to touchy feely and just kinda give you the hebe jebe’s? Many people knowingly or not use touch to
Tune in to your energy, for positive or negative results it still sends off
warning bells in our own defense’s. I
have found 2 ways of dealing with these kinds of people; offensive and
defensive.
Defensive; a simple withdrawal
from arms reach, and a snarky remark “personal space (doing the personal bubble
with hands).. You mind?”
It is said the best Defense is a
good Offense. Offensive; when my alarms go off, I offer a handshake as a means
of ending the conversation, focusing on a strong firm grip, quick and sharp. I
have found it often registers as a warning to invasive persona’s. I might be
guilty of putting my own little charge into the handshake.
How does someone identify and build this Charge?
For
me I have found a combination of practices helped me. My first step was meditation. Getting the usual
quiet environment. I found at first that a comfortable sitting posture was the
best. Laying down I often fell right sleep as I quieted my mind. {also a useful
tactic for those of us that can’t sleep due to Busy minds} I will concentrate
on a specific skin area on my body. I found at the start the wrist or lower arm
was the easiest. Focusing all my attention on this area, I would start to feel
a tingly, electric kinda feeling. Like when your hand goes to sleep and it gets
that tingly feeling. Once that feeling
is there, slowly picture it moving down your arm to your finger tips, then
disperse it across your hand; kind of like spreading ink on your finger tips. With practice this can be done with nothing
but a few thoughts.
Once
I could identify this charge, I could use a Kata (practiced movement) while
practicing with my floggers or single tail. While doing the Kata I use the same
technique as the meditation, forming the charge in my arm and drawing it to my
hand , then releasing it into my whole hand.
This practice allows me to maintain my charge while doing something else
physical. Now once I could do this without much thought, I found I could move
the Charge around my body at will.
Self
confidence and a sense of self control is a great thing to an extent. I found I
had to be careful that it was not perceived as Ego. Self confidence in ones
abilities, if not countered with a healthy dose of humility will be perceived as
arrogance.
Why go through all this?
Managing
your own personal current is a very helpful tool in mastery of self. I have
found that it works wonders for blocking out unwanted pain. Headaches, muscle pain,
and such annoyances. I have found that it is very useful in calming myself down
in stressful or controversial situations.
By
being able to recognize and focus this energy, I am more aware of those around
me that also practice this type of self management. It has made me more sensitive to the empathy
of others, and more aware of those that consciously or subconsciously use this
skill set for self serving purposes.
There
are hundreds of uses for this ability that you will find for yourself.
Last but not
least; “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
If
I use this skill for my own personal development
and self management, everything goes great.
I found out in my younger years that I could use these skills in
interacting with other people. Really
BAD idea, it ALWAYS backfired on me soon or later.
Using
my energy to amplify my charisma or charm did good, for a while. I was the best
thing since sliced bread to this or that person. Then sooner or later that
charge came back to bite me in the backside. Not only did the person not like
me, for no explained reason their contempt of me was off the charts. Going out
of their way, to be vindictive, and hateful. If they were asked Why?, they
could never give a reason. Nothing could be said or done to change this persons
feelings.
I
used to use this ability in casual play to enhance the pleasure or pain of my
bottom. Targeting their pleasure points, and nerve clusters, that would easily
conduct their own personal energy. For
some reason, my casual play partners were becoming obsessed with our scene
times and annoyingly clingy. Through research I found, that sharing just a little of someone’s own energy creates
a bond between the two forces. I found
out the hard way that I could create , what some call Energy Vampires unintentionally.
From my own personal experience using my own energy to interact with someone
else’s Chakra or personal energy was risky at best. Not something I take lightly today, as the
negatives often outweigh the positives. So when I went to break off the
relationship, the pain of separation was amplified by the amount of personal energy
I had transferred to that person.
So in closing, this is a great
self awareness skill to learn. In my pursuit of mastery of self, my awareness
of myself is crucial to my own growth. Feel free to use what I have learned and
shared, but please also heed my warnings and learn from MY mistakes first.
Do No Harm
Friday, August 15, 2014
Traditions and Protocols: Definitions
Disclaimer: This is my own person view of this subject from the my past and my view of today.
**Tra-di-tion (n.) The doctrines, knowledge, practices, and customs passed down from one generation to another. (Webster)**
In the recent past I hear so many people screaming, "This is traditional ..this is not". Seriously ??? If an idea or practice was taught to you from your mentor, then that has become YOUR tradition. Recently I have been doing a lot of research on what I was brought to believe was "Old School", I am finding that most of the "traditions" I was taught as "old school" are really just from the 70's and early 80's.
My musings are ...
Does this make them old school ? Does this "time frame" make them any less valid ? Many of the things I learned in the 80's came from the bar scene as "the way it is". Not, this is traditional behavior, but this is how we do things, End of Story. Do I pass these things on that I learned as "This is the way it is". No more , no less, or do I take ownership of what was passed down to me and say "This is MY tradition" ?
My answer:
Yes, the things that were passed down to me from my friends and mentors from the generations before me are MY traditions. Many things from the gay bar scene don't work in my current relationship or community. So I have modified them to my life. Many of them I have practiced in my own "Life~style" and they work, so I have kept them.
Damn the more answers I get the more questions become reality ...
By changing them to suit my "Life~Style", have I diluted them down? or Have I kept the value and integrity that was taught to me? I hope and pray that the small changes I make to the traditions that were taught to me does nothing but change the wording, not the meaning, the value or the spirituality of these things.
**Pro-to-col (n.) The codes and rules of diplomatic and state etiquette. (Webster)**
My musings are....
In our subculture this would be translated to me as *"The codes and rules of interpersonal and community etiquette"*. Okay, so who makes these rules ? Who sets the codes ? If they are rules, who enforces them ? If they are "codes" who teaches them ?
My answer;
Many of our "Code of Conduct" has been passed down from the leaders before us, the clubs that have formed and tried these rules on themselves. Yes, we steal them from other, wiser, more experienced people. There are many "Codes" that have been set in writing over the past decades, with a little research they can be found very easily in our web-generation. Personal "Codes of Conduct" I believe are monumental in setting my personal "Moral Compass". Without my moral compass I can't say for me what is "right" or "wrong".
I believe "rules" are set by each community, and are enforced by said community. In my past there were things ..You Just didn't do ... breaking these rules got you reprimanded, and if the actions continued, you were no longer invited to social events. Hereby "8~balled" from the community. In my past there were "Masters", "Grand Masters" and an informal "Council of Elders" that made such calls. In todays Now Generation I don't see that as a Viable solution. So what is the solution ..I don't know.
(out of time ... to many questions .. head hurts ... to be continued later)
**Tra-di-tion (n.) The doctrines, knowledge, practices, and customs passed down from one generation to another. (Webster)**
In the recent past I hear so many people screaming, "This is traditional ..this is not". Seriously ??? If an idea or practice was taught to you from your mentor, then that has become YOUR tradition. Recently I have been doing a lot of research on what I was brought to believe was "Old School", I am finding that most of the "traditions" I was taught as "old school" are really just from the 70's and early 80's.
My musings are ...
Does this make them old school ? Does this "time frame" make them any less valid ? Many of the things I learned in the 80's came from the bar scene as "the way it is". Not, this is traditional behavior, but this is how we do things, End of Story. Do I pass these things on that I learned as "This is the way it is". No more , no less, or do I take ownership of what was passed down to me and say "This is MY tradition" ?
My answer:
Yes, the things that were passed down to me from my friends and mentors from the generations before me are MY traditions. Many things from the gay bar scene don't work in my current relationship or community. So I have modified them to my life. Many of them I have practiced in my own "Life~style" and they work, so I have kept them.
Damn the more answers I get the more questions become reality ...
By changing them to suit my "Life~Style", have I diluted them down? or Have I kept the value and integrity that was taught to me? I hope and pray that the small changes I make to the traditions that were taught to me does nothing but change the wording, not the meaning, the value or the spirituality of these things.
**Pro-to-col (n.) The codes and rules of diplomatic and state etiquette. (Webster)**
My musings are....
In our subculture this would be translated to me as *"The codes and rules of interpersonal and community etiquette"*. Okay, so who makes these rules ? Who sets the codes ? If they are rules, who enforces them ? If they are "codes" who teaches them ?
My answer;
Many of our "Code of Conduct" has been passed down from the leaders before us, the clubs that have formed and tried these rules on themselves. Yes, we steal them from other, wiser, more experienced people. There are many "Codes" that have been set in writing over the past decades, with a little research they can be found very easily in our web-generation. Personal "Codes of Conduct" I believe are monumental in setting my personal "Moral Compass". Without my moral compass I can't say for me what is "right" or "wrong".
I believe "rules" are set by each community, and are enforced by said community. In my past there were things ..You Just didn't do ... breaking these rules got you reprimanded, and if the actions continued, you were no longer invited to social events. Hereby "8~balled" from the community. In my past there were "Masters", "Grand Masters" and an informal "Council of Elders" that made such calls. In todays Now Generation I don't see that as a Viable solution. So what is the solution ..I don't know.
(out of time ... to many questions .. head hurts ... to be continued later)
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