In today's BDSM population there is this constant controversy over the lexical semantics (definition or meaning) of the words we use. The problem is that 3 definitive tribes of people, with specific mentalities, and ways of doing things. Are attempting to use the same grammar, yet each has a different lingo(1). The Bondage and S&M tribes, being very physical have one lingo, and the Dynamics(2) tribes being relationship based yet another.
In an attempt to differentiate themselves from each other or the vanilla world this culture adopted the use of two terms: Labels and Titles.
This causes some definite problems between the lingo's.
Label noun 1.5 A classifying phrase or name applied to a person or thing,
Title noun 2.3 A descriptive or distinctive name that is earned or chosen:
"Labels are the beginning of a conversation, not the end of a discussion."
In the Dynamics tribes:
These Labels (dom, sub, master, slave) are adjectives, that are used to describe a mentality or dynamic preference . They form a general description as to who has the authority in a relationship. This amount of authority is variable, depending on the interpersonal dynamic. The use of the word or label is referred to as a fluid(3). If one uses a label to define another person, and assume that their use of the label is the same as the other individual. It's certain to cause confusion, miscommunication, and possible confrontation, the art of interpersonal communication is crucial to this tribe.
The Titles of Master or Mistress was not as commonly used, due to the understanding that the words master or mistress, is a term of endearment between individuals in a specific dynamic. And that dominant and submissive are the mentality, psychological need or preferred interpersonal dynamic of an individual. The Dynamics tribe, concentrates on the art of interpersonal communication, and the skill of maintaining relationships. Not necessarily the physical skills of an individual.
In the Bondage or S&M tribes:
These Labels (top, bottom, switch) are linking verbs used to describe the position (actions) an individual prefers. These have always had a real clear definition; The tops are in the giving position of an interaction, a bottom is in the receiving position of an interaction, and switch is one that has no specific preference of position.
The Titles of Master or Mistress are a "Presented Title". Meaning that the person has earned that title through their actions, and that they have proven they are Master's of their art. It was a way to show respect to someone that had dedicated their life to an art form. Which was appropriate in many ways, since Bondage and S&M can be an erotic art.
By the creation the BDSM acronym by the internet generation, a Tower of Babel was created. It brings to mind the quote by Douglas Adams in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy;
“Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish,
by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures,
has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.”
The "Internet BDSM Community", created a metropolis of tribes that spoke different lingo's of the same language, they all used Labels and Titles in different contexts. The new people coming into the metropolis have no way of knowing about the tribes. They only see a rather large population of kinky people. Those that stay on the fringes and try to speak the language, offend the separate tribes by the "bastardization" of their Lingo. Those that live in town so to speak, quickly learn that these lingo's are vital, and defining to the individual tribe and person.
(Sociolinguists are going to have a field day figuring this one out.)
For 50+ years this ... thing ... we all do, has used the same words with the same definitions, and every one understood each other just fine. In fact the lingo that was used, defined an individual as to what tribe they were from. The internet has brought those B, D, and S&M tribes together in one big metropolis, and is forcing us to use each others lingo. The entitlement generation coming into this Metropolis with the mentality that they have to have a label just for them, and presume that they can change a definition just to suit their needs seems to be the origin of the controversy. Just because one might disagree with the definition of a label or term, does not mean it is wrong. Dynamics, relationships, the way an individual does specific things are *fluid*, definitions are not. The Use of a word changes and evolves, the definition very rarely does.
For example:
In the 13th century Gay was an adjective, defined as "lighthearted", "joyous". It wasn't until the 1950's that homosexual men started using it as a self describing noun. The definition of Gay was not changed to mean homosexual, it was added in the 1960's to the original definition.
This new mentality of the Internet Metropolis has created some very humorous examples;
If the D labels are used around the B or S&M tribes, we have the appearance of the 19 year old Master's of B or S&M. Of course these tribes go ballistic over the presumptuousness of this youngster. How could he have mastered anything at such a young age?
The D tribe interprets the Top as the one in authority, and the bottom as submitting to the authority of the Top. When in actuality, in the B or S&M tribes, position (action) has nothing to do with interpersonal dynamics for most.
Occasionally there are those that try to use B or S&M tribal labels as D tribal labels. In doing so linking verbs become adjectives, and the words dominate and switch became relationship dynamic labels. While grammatically correct in the B or SM tribal use of labels as linking verbs, they are not adjectives which the D tribe is rather fond and particular about.
(1) Lingo noun 1.1 The vocabulary or jargon of a particular subject or group of people
(2) The D was always used to define the Discipline tribe, more specifically those that practiced M/s. As the tribe grew and changed, D/s became more common, and the practice of M/s and D/s as an interpersonal Dynamic. This is why the D in my acronym stands for Dynamics.
(3) Fluid: adjective 1.1 Not settled or stable; likely or able to change
"Linguistics is the science of language, that is used in the art of communication."
~me~
Personal Note:
Instead of interpreting these words for myself, and consequentially confusing those that I meet coming into this Metropolis. It is my practice to use the words and their definitions, as they are defined and were intended by each tribe. I am not that "special" that I have to have a label just for me, and presume that I can change a definition just to suit my needs. I personally have zero tolerance for those that have this mentality, and those that feel they are entitled to their own special definition.
